


The Fallen

by borninthewronggalaxy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angel Wings, Angels, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Blood, Blood Kink, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Torture, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Choking, Demon Kylo Ren, Demons, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Dominant Kylo Ren, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fallen Angels, Falling In Love, Finger Sucking, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Fucking, Hate Sex, Hate to Love, Heartbreak, Heaven, Heaven & Hell, Hell, I'm Going to Hell, Kissing, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Language, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Naked Cuddling, Naked Female Clothed Male, Oral Sex, Pain, Painful Sex, Painplay, Past Relationship(s), Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Kylo Ren, Redeemed Ben Solo, Relationship(s), Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Seduction to the Dark Side, Sex, Slow Burn, Soft Ben Solo, Souls, Star Wars References, Top Kylo Ren, Torture, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Wings, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 09:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25468702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borninthewronggalaxy/pseuds/borninthewronggalaxy
Summary: Kylo Ren used to be an angel, just like you. And you used to know him back then, when he went by a completely different name. But over the years, he began to be seduced by the darkness--falling from heaven and pledging his allegiance to the devil. Since then, the two of you had spent decades on earth together, fighting over souls. But even though he'd changed so much, you still felt a pull towards him. A connection between the two of you. And you began to wonder if he wasn't really all that evil after all...
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	1. Just Another Soul

You'd never expected for it to happen. Because you would have never expected for him to turn. You'd heard rumors--stories of others that fell to the temptation--drawn to the darkness until they couldn't escape it any longer. But Ben? He was the last person you would have ever guessed to become one of The Fallen. 

Of course that wasn't his name anymore. Ben. It hadn't been for decades now. But even after all the years that had gone by, you still found yourself thinking of him as he used to be. Not the man he was now. 

The man he'd become after The Fall. 

You looked up from your coffee cup, sighing and glancing down at your watch. 10:30 AM, it flashed up at you. He would be arriving soon. You yawned impatiently, pulling your light grey jacket around your chest and shivering. Why did they keep the AC blasting so high in the middle of winter? At least it wasn't summer, though. It was always so hard to hide your wings during the summer.

You brought the mug close to your face, blowing lightly on the surface of the coffee before sipping, the warm liquid trickling down your throat and heating you from the inside. You hummed, taking in a deep breath of the delicious smelling drink and licking your lips.

But just as you were setting the cup back down, you heard it. The dinging of the bell at the door. You spun around, your eyes falling on the person you were looking for. A man. Around his mid-twenties, dressed in a casual looking suit and tie. He was carrying a load of books and papers in his arms, the weight of them making him slouch forwards uncomfortably. Maybe he was a teacher? You thought to yourself. But it didn't matter. 

You didn't know his name. You didn't know who he was, or where he was from, or what he was like. And you wouldn't need to. You almost always felt bad for them--the souls that you captured--knowing that soon, they'd meet their ends. 

But it wasn't up to you, or any of the other angels for that matter. Your only job was to make sure where they were going after they faded away. And all you had to do to make that happen was to get a good look into his eyes. To sneak your voice into his mind. To lead him in the right direction. And then you would have his soul, wrapped tightly around you finger and tied there in a knot.

You stood up with your coffee, picking up your cell phone with it and striding forwards quickly. You looked down at the screen, pretending to be distracted as you hurried towards the unsuspecting man, who hadn't noticed you coming yet. He was still distracted, looking away from you until you slid past him, "accidentally" ramming him in his shoulder as your hot coffee spilled all over his chest. 

He yelped, and you stumbled backwards as he dropped all of his materials to the ground and groaned frustratedly. 

"Fuck," He cursed under his breath, wincing as the coffee seeped through his jacket, "That burns."

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry." You lied, bending down to pick up his books and papers that had fallen from his hands. "Here, let me help you with that."

"Oh, thank you," He muttered, shaking his head and reaching for napkins displayed on the shop's countertop. He wiped lazily at his chest, taking the materials back from you as you handed them into his arms, pausing as he looked up at you. You smiled innocently, batting your eyelashes. The man's cheek's went pink.

"I'm so sorry, again." You muttered, "I hope that coffee didn't burn you too badly."

"Oh no, no," He laughed, "I'm fine, thank you." He paused, his eyes flickering over your face. You sighed. It wasn't fair to tease humans like this, you knew. But that didn't make it any less fun. Angels were always immensely more beautiful than any mortal woman would be. But what could you say? You were sculpted by God himself, like an idealized statue being carved away at in marble. It wasn't your fault that no man had ever been able to resist you. You smirked, stepping back but keeping your eyes locked on his. 

"Hey, this might be really strange," The man stepped towards you again, "But could I get your number? You're just--really gorgeous." He laughed awkwardly, and you smiled.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." You tilted your head, "But I have a boyfriend, actually." That wasn't true, though it wouldn't be any trouble at all for you to get one. But you didn't have the time. Collecting souls was a busy job, and there were never enough angels to take care of all the stupid humans who died doing even stupider things. Plus, this man would be dead in a few days anyway. No use wasting your time on him. 

"Ah." The man nodded, backing away, "Well, thanks for picking up my stuff."

"Of course." You nodded, walking past him and out of the front door, the cold winter air smacking you in the face as you stepped outside. You groaned, wrapping yourself up in your jacket and pulling out a cigarette. 

You were sure to most humans, you wouldn't be the girl that people would guess to be an angel. You didn't have the air that most mortals expected for angels to have. Not many of the qualities either. Pure. Free of all sin. Innocent. You were barely any of those things, and you sucked in a deep breath, feeling the smoke float into your lungs. 

Of course, you didn't have to worry about that cancer that everyone was always dying from. You weren't really alive--at least not in the way they were. It couldn't hurt you like it did them, and you sucked in another puff, blowing it out into the breeze. 

Humans had a big misconception about angels--and pretty much about Heaven in general. Sure, it was nice and all. But you wouldn't describe it as a utopia. If it was, no one would ever leave. And people seemed to think that angels were perfect, too. Godly creatures who protected human's lives and watched over them carefully, keeping them safe from pain and harm. 

Which wasn't true at all really. If it was, then why were people always dying in tragic accidents? Getting diseases? Suffering tragedies and horrors? Sometimes you couldn't believe what humans would fall for--the shit they dreamed up and convinced everyone else to trust.

Angels didn't do any of that crap. It wasn't your job to keep humans alive. They were all replaceable, reproducing faster than they could die off. All you had to do was bring them back to Heaven--and to bring back more than the demons did for the devil. 

Which brought you to your next thought--when would he get here? You knew he was coming. You could feel it. You'd always been able to, even when he was on your side. But as the darkness in him had grown stronger, the warm feeling in your chest that you'd gotten whenever he approached had turned into a shiver up your spine. You glanced down the street side, blowing out another puff of smoke and dropping the cigarette to the ground. You crunched it under your shoe. No sign of him yet. 

You rolled your eyes, reaching for the door handle again and stepping back inside. The AC was still blasting, and you found little to no relief from the cold as the door closed with a ding. You walked back over to your table, slumping down and sighing loudly. 

Time to get to work. You closed your eyes, breathing deeply as you pictured the man's face in your mind. In a snap, you were in his head. You could see his every thought. His every impulse. Every fleeting picture that flickered through his mind. You listened closely to his own voice inside of his head, looking for things you could grab onto to twist his consciousness into the shape you needed it to fit. 

My shirt is sopping wet, he thought to himself, rolling his eyes, I don't have a change of clothes on hand. Maybe I can stop by the house before class starts. 

You were right. He was a teacher. You imagined his students a few days from now, and how they would feel after finding out that their young, seemingly healthy professor had passed away. You pitied them. Good thing angels never had to lose anyone to death. But there were still other ways to lose someone.

That girl was hot, he thoughts suddenly focused on you, and you could sense blood starting to flow down through his body. You cringed, his thoughts suddenly moving to his own erection as he stared at you from across the room. Your back was to him. He didn't know that you were aware. But you were, and you wished that you weren't. He shifted in his seat, adjusting his dick between his legs and sighing. I'll jerk off to her when I get home, he told himself, I bet she'd be good in bed. Nice body. Good tits, from what I can see. 

You rolled your eyes. Was this really someone that God wanted for Heaven? But you guessed that he was no different than any other mortal man. They were all extremely weak at resisting sexual impulses. In your experience with them, they had little to no self control. 

His next thoughts were a string of images that he dreamt up in his head, your naked body laying out on his bed in front of him, legs spread and cunt exposed. He sunk down on top of you, preforming utterly disgusting acts as he grunted and moaned pathetically. You shivered. You hated humans. More than you hated the devil himself. 

He finished his sex fantasy, clearing his throat and leaning back in the chair he'd sat in, crossing his legs to hide the obvious tent pitched in his pants. He was still staring at you, sipping slowly on a cup of coffee as you heard the bell ding once more. 

But this time, you knew it wasn't just another customer. The hair on the back of your neck stood up abruptly, and you shivered, gulping before you turned around slowly, your heart slamming in your chest. 

And as you glanced towards the door, your breath hitching in your chest, you saw him. 

His clothes were different than last time--granted, it had been a few months--but his face was the same as always. His dark eyes scanned over the room--which in reality, weren't really all that dark, but a hazel color. They just seemed dark by the way he glared, a shadow casting over his face as his hair fell over his eyes. 

His long, strong nose stood out against his face--but somehow fit him perfectly at the same time, a constellation of beauty marks scattering his skin as he smirked. And the most prominent feature of his face, the one that caught your eye every time without fail, was the deep scar that ran down from his eyebrow to his shoulder, seared into his skin as a reminder of his place. 

As a demon. Alive--but more dead if you really considered it--for only one purpose. To serve the devil, and all his twisted demands. 

He stood in the doorway for a moment, a cold breeze blowing in from behind him before he stepped inside, his dark boots heavy against the ground. They stomped loudly with every step he took, demanding attention as he entered the room. 

But even if he hadn't been wearing them, he would have already drawn enough attention to cause a traffic jam. For one, he was enormous. A 6'3, broad shouldered man, towering over anyone he encountered. His fists, almost always balled tightly, hung by his sides, and he unclenched them for only a moment to brush a loose strand of jet black hair out of his face. It fell to his shoulders in a thick mop, shaggy and untrimmed, but somehow looking well-managed at the same time. 

He continued to peer around--refusing to acknowledge you yet, even though you knew that he knew you were there. He could sense your presence just as well as you could his. But he was ignoring it for the time being, his eyes still scanning over the room. 

But then his gaze locked onto something, and you knew exactly what. The man. The same one you were trying to capture. You groaned. 

You watched, sweat beading at your brow as he stepped forward, moving around the man's two person table and pulling out he empty chair. Without a word, he sat down in it, the man looking up at him with a confused expression. 

"I'm sorry," The man tilted his head, "Can I help you?" But Kylo Ren said nothing, just meeting his eyes for a split second before turning away and standing up again. The man shook his head confusedly, his eyes wide as they followed Ren away. You glanced at the faint dusting of ash left behind where he'd been seated, but your attention was quickly ripped away as he slid past you, his shadow casting over your figure for a brief moment. 

Still, he ignored your presence, slumping down at another table with his shoulders haunched over, his elbows leaning on the surface as he huffed loudly. You were growing impatient, your stomach churning nervously as you glanced at him over your shoulder. You'd always hated that he had that effect on you. No one else did--not in the thousands of years you'd been alive, and it made you feel weak. Like he could snap his fingers and you would crumble beneath him. 

You cleared your throat. Still, nothing. You sighed, slowly pushing back your chair and standing. You adjusted your jacket over your chest, taking in deep breaths before you strode towards him, coming up by his table and standing behind a vacant chair. You rested your hands on the back of it, your well-manicured, white fingernails tapping impatiently on the wooden frame. He was still looking down at the table as you did, and finally, you rolled your eyes, sighing.

"Why are you here?" You said coldly, pulling out the chair and slumping down in it. You tried to appear as I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you as possible, but the way your hands fidgeted nervously on the table might have given you away. 

"Why else?" He finally glanced up, his eyes meeting yours in a way that stole the breath from your lungs, "I have a job to do."

"Can't you ever just let me have one?" You leaned forward, thinning your eyes, "Why is it that you just have to go after the ones I'm assigned?"

"It's just business, kid." He shot you in insufferable smirk, the dimples in his cheeks revealing themselves, "Nothing personal. Plus, I would think you'd be happy to see me." Your cheeks burned, and you cleared your throat.

"Sorry to disappoint," You crossed your arms, leaning back, "But no."

"Really?" He said lowly, his voice dripping like venom from a snake's fangs, "But you were so excited to see me last time..."

"That--" You stuttered, your heart beginning to slam, "That was just a one time thing." You remembered everything from that night so clearly--Every single moment embedded in your brain like it was carved into stone. And not a day went by that you didn't think about it. But he didn't need to know that. "It's against the rules. It won't happen again."

"Hm." He shrugged, "Well that's a shame. I had fun."

"Of course you had fun," You spat, "You don't have a conscience."

"And you do?" He smirked again, "Let's not pretend that angels don't have a little bit of bad in them." You scoffed--though what he was saying was completely true--and looked away, shaking your head. When you finally turned back to him, he was still staring directly into your eyes, his lips curled into a devilish smile.

"It doesn't matter--" You changed the subject, gulping and tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, "Look, I already have this one. Please, just leave."

"Oh you have him, huh?" Ren teased, glancing over his shoulder at the man. "We'll see." You groaned, rolling your eyes and standing up from the chair. You stomped back over to your table, slumping down and slamming your eyes closed. You'd have to do this quickly. 

You imagined the man--his eyes, his face, his mind...and snap. Just like that, you were in. You could hear his thoughts again, all jumbled together as he glanced around the room. You heard him thinking of you again. Of Ren. Of his class. Of the coffee. Of the shop itself, and how he thought that it could use some renovations. 

But you just pushed it all out of the way, focusing hard and clearing his mind completely. His thoughts went quiet, his body relaxing in his chair as you took over, your control seeping into every crack and crevice of his being. 

And then you started to speak. Not out loud, of course--you would look crazy. But through his mind. You whispered quietly at first, making sure that he didn't freak out and start screaming. Sometimes they did that. You guessed that they assumed that they were having mental breakdowns--voices in their heads suddenly appearing out of no where. It was always annoying when they reacted that way. 

It's okay, you whispered, don't be afraid. The man just sat there, seeming to be lost in another world as you continued on. God has chosen you, you breathed, do not run away from Him when the time comes. 

The man shifted in his seat, rubbing at his temples. You were sure that he just thought he was imagining things. 

The kingdom of Heaven will welcome you with open arms, you told him, you will be safe there.

The man glanced around the room, his brows furrowed. You were about to tell him something else, the words forming in your mind just as you suddenly felt a strange vibration flow through you. Your stomach dropped. Ren. 

Do not be afraid of the darkness, he whispered into the man's mind, it will welcome you. Save you from the tricks and lies of the other side.

You whipped around to face him, but his back was still to you, his shoulder haunched forwards. 

God has chosen you, you repeated, squeezing your eyes shut tightly, do not run away from Him when the time comes. Do not run away.

Heaven is a facade, Ren whispered, it will not save you. 

The kingdom of Heaven will welcome you with open arms, you nearly screamed into his head, your frustration levels rising quickly, you will be safe there. 

We will give you an afterlife filled with power. Unlimited, unimaginable power. Ren's voice overlapped with yours, somehow louder and more noticeably. We will give you everything you have ever wanted. 

It comes at a price! You suddenly exploded, your voice raising. The man jumped in his seat. Your soul will be sold to the devil. Don't--

Many do not understand the true nature of Hell, Ren said calmly, because they are not welcome there. But those who have been chosen will live out eternity in a true utopia. One that no mortal could ever comprehend. 

God has chosen you, you squeaked pathetically. You knew you were losing. Do not run away from Him when the time comes. 

Surrender to the darkness, Ren spoke once more, his voice low and gravelly. But somehow smooth at the same time. And it will reward you.

As he uttered the last words, you instantly felt the man's mind shift. The thoughts that you'd listened to before were suddenly coated in a dark, shadowy fog, rolling across every portion of his brain. The gloom seeped into every crack and crevice, entering his bloodstream and flowing down to his heart. Within moments, you knew it was over. He was gone.

You shook your head, cursing under your breath as Ren shoved you forcefully out of the man's mind, his influence taking over completely as the man shivered, glancing around the room once more before gathering his books and papers. With a confused expression on his face, he stood up, sighing loudly before walking towards the door. The bell jingled as he exited, and you watched with thinned eyes as he strolled away down the street, not having the faintest idea of what had just happened to him. 

And he wouldn't know until after he died, when his soul had floated down into the abyss. Then he would be taken. He would be locked away behind fiery bars. And he would never escape. 

You ran your hands through your hair frustratedly, groaning as you suddenly heard Ren's chair screech behind you. He stood up, his loud boots slapping against the ground as he came up behind you. He paused, and you could feel his eyes on the back of your head, burning a hole in your skull. 

"Don't feel bad, kid." He slapped his hand onto your shoulder, and you winced. With his giant palm and digits splayed out, he squeezed your muscle roughly. "It's just another soul. There'll be plenty more for you to win."

"You're an asshole." You muttered, refusing to turn around and look at him. He laughed softly.

"You're right."

And with that, he let go, slinking away to the door and swinging it open. He stepped out onto the sidewalk, glancing around for a split second before he suddenly snapped, his figure disappearing into thin air and floating away in a plume of smoke. You rolled your eyes. Demons always seemed to be less cautious in hiding who they really were around humans. 

You sat at the table for a little longer, chewing on your lip and shaking your head. You hated Kylo Ren. Absolutely hated him. He'd messed up your plans for what felt like a million years now, and you were growing pretty sick of it. 

But you also couldn't deny that his presence--for some unexplainable reason--excited you. He was unpredictable. Cold. A mystery. And you still couldn't seem to let go of the idea of the man he used to be, though you knew by now, he was long gone. 

You sighed, taking one last sip of your coffee before gathering your phone and purse, slinging it over your shoulder as you stood up from the chair. You walked out of the shop, the bell dinging annoyingly once more, and stopped on the sidewalk. 

You didn't have any more assignments today, but you really didn't want to go back up yet. You weren't in the mood to be scolded for losing another one to Ren.

You were so tired of it all. And extremely, insufferably annoyed. You cursed under your breath again as you began to trudge down the sidewalk, your hands shoving into your pockets. You started to think of every time Kylo Ren had messed with your plans. Every time he'd gotten you in trouble. Every time you'd wanted to punch him in the face and kick him right in the balls for what he was doing to you.

And one day, you swore to God himself that no matter what, you were going to get him back for all of it.


	2. I Don't Want You Anymore

His arms engulfed you with ease as you leaned back against his chest, thumbing though an old, fragile book written in a language you didn't know. You'd brought it back from one of your visits to earth. One of the souls had left it behind.

"Can you even read that?" Ben played with a strand of your hair, twisting it between his fingertips.

"No," You glanced up at him, "But the font is pretty."

"Hm." He leaned back on the window seat, the fluffy pillows cushioning his body. He squirmed underneath you, and you readjusted, putting the book down and turning on your side. You cuddled up to his side, fitting into the curve of his body as his arm fell over your waist. He pulled you closer, nuzzling his face into the crook of your shoulder.

Your small wings felt slightly crushed as they pressed up against his chest, but you ignored the dull pain, instead focusing on the way his breathing calmed as the two of you relaxed. His eyes fluttered closed, and he sighed, kissing lightly at the exposed skin on your neck.

"Ben," You whispered, glancing over your shoulder and toying with a piece of his hair.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, kid."

Snap. A cold gust of wind brought you back to reality, the memory fading away as if it had never been there in the first place. And part of you wished that it hadn't. You shook your head, rubbing at your arms as the chill ran up through your body. New York had always been one of your least favorite places to visit--especially when you didn't accomplish what you set out to do there.

It was always so dirty. So filled with people and cars and pollution. So constantly alive. It never calmed down. Not even in the middle of the night, when you would prefer to walk through Central Park without being disturbed. You'd always liked the park. But that was never the case, so you'd stopped trying.

You stood, perched on the edge of a tall rooftop, looking gloomily over the city. It did look better at night, you had to admit. But mainly because you couldn't see all the people walking around in the darkness. The people were what made the earth truly unbearable.

You groaned, slumping down lazily. You dangled your legs over the edge, peering down at the long drop and seeing how far you could lean forward until you lost your balance. You wondered what would happen if you just fell. You wouldn't die, you knew that. You couldn't even if you wanted to. But maybe you'd get some attention. You'd get on the news, and be on the front of all the papers with some sort of crazy headline. "An Unexplained Miracle: Suicidal Women Survives 40 Story Drop From Skyscraper and Walks Away Unscathed". You laughed to yourself. No one would believe you even if you did explain it.

The cold wind blew again, whipping through your hair and sending another shiver up your spine. You sighed. Your jacket was feeling pretty pointless as the cold seeped easily through the fabric, and you slid it off your shoulders, throwing it to the side as your wings unfolded. You stretched them out, the muscles aching after so long of being tucked away. The white feathers blew softly in the wind, and you fixed the overlapping ones, making sure they were all in the right place.

But just as you'd finished adjusting them, you stopped, a strange feeling washing over you. It was that feeling of someone's eyes on you, and the tingly sensation spread through your body as you sighed. It was a feeling you knew all too well. The hair on the back of your neck stood up as you whipped around, your eyes instantly falling on his tall, looming figure standing over you.

Kylo Ren's eyes flickered over your face, his jaw tightened and defined. His hair blew softly around his face, curled at the ends as it tickled the back of his neck and shoulders. You waited for him to speak, but he said nothing, instead stepping to the ledge next to you and slumping down. He sat a few feet away, but he was still close enough to touch if you reached out your arm. You shivered.

"You know you shouldn't sit there, kid." He leaned back on his hands, looking out over the city, "You could fall."

"Yeah, that's what the wings are for." You muttered, staring down at your lap. "But thanks." Silence fell over the two of you for a few minutes as the wind whipped past, your hair flying around wildly with it. "You really keep screwing things up for me, you know." You finally turned to him. "I don't understand why you can't just leave me alone."

"Well where's the fun in that?" He smirked, "And come on, do you really want me to stop visiting?"

"Yes." You lied, "That would be great, actually. Then I could do my job." Ren scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Your job." He mocked, "Your job is the same as mine. We're no different. We just work for different people."

"No, we are different." You spat, "Because you're one of The Fallen and I'm not."

"You have to stop using that term." His voice was like gravel, grating against your eardrum. "The Fallen—It's meaningless."

"How's that?" You thinned your eyes.

"I didn't fall." He turned to you, the darkness surrounding his pupils sucking you in, "I just realized my true calling. I saw through the lies that I'd been taught and I rejected them." You just stared at him, the whistling of the wind replacing his voice as the silence returned.

"It doesn't matter." You turned away finally, staring out over the city line, "My point is that I want you to leave me alone. Please." He paused, considering it.

"I would," He sighed, "But I just don't believe that you want that."

"Oh yeah, because you being here brings me so much joy." You glared, "Trust me, you are nothing but a nuisance that I keep having to deal with over and over again."

"A nuisance?" He said in a mocking tone, "Ouch. And I thought angels were supposed to be kind."

"Well how would you know?" You shook your head, "You're not one anymore." You said the last few words a little more passive aggressively than you'd meant to, your tone coming off scorned and wounded. Which you were—and you had been for the last few decades—but you hadn't meant to let it show. Kylo paused again, a smirk creeping over his lips.

"Is that what this is about?" He raised his eyebrows, and you just blushed. You cursed at yourself in your head, rolling your eyes. Why did you have to blush? "It's been years, Y/N."

"You don't think I know that?" You seethed.

"So why don't you just let it go." His voice lowered, "I have."

"I have let it go" You lied in a whisper-hiss, pausing to chew frustratedly at your bottom lip.

"Have you?"

"Jesus, Kylo, can you please just leave? I don't want to have this conversation."

"It seems like if you'd actually let it go, then you would be okay having this conversation." He pushed, smirking again.

"God, you are the most insufferable, egotistic, arrogant motherfucker I've ever--"

You were interrupted suddenly as he lunged towards you, his giant hands holding the sides of your face as he slammed his lips against yours. You yelped—the sound muffled by his mouth—tumbling back onto the rooftop as his weight crushed you, his hands moving down from your cheeks to the back of your neck. He held you against him, his tongue slipping between your teeth without warning, swirling around yours as he sucked in a quick breath.

The shock of the moment wore off in seconds, and you opened your eyes after the initial instinct to close them, grunting and shoving him back with two hands. He pulled off of you, his eyes wild as you stared into them.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You hissed, your face burning bright red. But he just smirked again, shifting on his knees.

"No one has to know." He said simply. "It can stay between us." As he spoke, you noticed yourself actually considering it. Yes, you weren't completely resistant to the idea. Not resistant at all, really. And deep down, all you wanted was to crash back into him. To feel his lips against yours as you ran your hands through his soft hair. To fall into his arms and let him cradle you there until you drifted off. But you held yourself back, preserving the tiny ounce of self respect you had left and swallowing your desperate need for his touch. You stored it away in the back of your mind, hoping that if you pretended that it wasn't there for long enough, maybe one day it would cease to exist.

"No." You turned away from him, wiping the back of your hand against your bottom lip. "No—I can't." Ren paused, his eyes still flickering over your face and scanning your expression. And as you looked back to him, he seemed to find something behind your eyes.

"I know you still think about it." He said softly, his tone making your heart lurch. "What we used to be."

"No, I—" You prepared to deny it, but he tilted his head. You sighed. "Sometimes."

"Don't you want a piece of that back? Don't you miss it?"

"But I don't want a piece back." You shook your head, feeling disgusted at the way your heart was panging. You thought you'd gotten over this—at least a little. "I want the whole thing." You knew that it was impossible. Your Ben was gone. He had been for decades now. And you hated yourself for holding out hope that some part of him was still alive. That his soul wasn't truly dead behind that cold facade. You stared into Kylo's eyes, searching desperately for any flicker of what used to be. But you found nothing, only a deep, dark ocean of emptiness meeting you. He looked down at his lap after a while of silence, his jaw tightening.

"I'm not coming back." He said lowly, "You know that."

"I do."

"Then stop lying to yourself." When he looked back at you, his eyes were even colder. More lifeless. You shivered. "This is what I'm offering you. Nothing more."

"Then I don't want it." You lied again, standing up abruptly and walking back to the ledge. You looked out over the city, the strong gusts of wind drying the tears welling in the corners of your eyes. "I don't want you anymore."

He was silent behind you, but you could still feel his gaze burning a hole in your skull.

"Fine." He finally spoke, his voice nearly getting lost in the whistle of the wind. He stood up, his heavy footsteps sounding as they moved slowly away from you. But then he stopped, your breath catching in your chest. Part of you wished that he would charge back towards you—Wrap you in his arms and hold you to his chest, just like he used to. But he just sighed loudly, your flicker of hope slipping away. "I'll see you around, kid."

You just nodded weakly, refusing to let yourself turn around to face him. A few more seconds passed, and you almost expected him to say something else. But before you could call his name, you heard a quick snap, a whooshing of wind, and in a flash, he was gone.

A cloud of black dust was all that was left behind in his place as you finally turned around, and you were left alone. Completely alone. Just like usual.

You wondered how many years--or decades--it would take to get used to it.


	3. His Eyes On Her, Not You

Heaven didn't look like everyone always expected it to. Sure, it was gorgeous. It was always sunny, always comfortably warm—but not too hot, and there was always some sort of calming music playing in the background. You weren't ever sure where it was coming from, but it was there.

But Heaven wasn't surrounded by a blanket of clouds, or rays of godly light shining down on everything. It pretty much just looked like any well-maintained, rich college campus, minus the hoards of students blocking the pathways. Sure, there were the souls. But they didn't get in your way, and they usually minded their own business until you spoke to them first.

You sat back in your chair with a sigh, adjusting against the uncomfortable wooden back and shutting your book with a smack. The old library seemed to smell mustier by the day, the ancient books collecting dust and mildew as they sat untouched. You were pretty much the only angel that ever came in here. No one else appreciated it like you did, and you always came when you needed to escape.

You stood up, the chair screeching against the hardwood floor. You winced, the loud noise echoing against the walls. But when you realized that no one else was there to hear it, you relaxed. You picked up your book, the title written in shiny silver font looking up at you.

"The Fallen" It read, the beveled letters sliding underneath your fingertips as you ran your hands over it. Your heart lurched. It was a book you'd read more times than you could count, and more times than you liked to admit. You just couldn't stop coming back to it, the sentences somehow making you feel like your feelings were justified. None of the other angels seemed to understand your obsession with it—though none of them knew about your relationship with Kylo Ren either. 

Relationship. You huffed. You weren't sure you could even call it that. Or call it anything at all. That's what it used to be—a relationship. But now...you weren't sure if that term still fit.

You placed the book back in its spot on the looming shelves, stretching all the way up to the tall ceiling, painted in intricate designs of scenes from the scripture. You stared up at it before turning to walk away, your footsteps the only sound in the echoey space. But just as you were about to round the corner to the entryway, you heard the front door snap open, and you stopped. Hesitantly, you peeked around the wall, your eyes falling on the person you'd been avoiding for the past few days—ever since you'd lost the soul to Kylo. You pivoted on your heels, tip-toeing towards the back exit as quickly as you could. You walked as quietly as possible, holding your breath as you bolted for the door. Maybe you'd be able to escape before she—

"Y/N." Her voice stopped you cold, and you halted, cursing under your breath. You could feel her gaze on you from behind, and you sighed, plastering a fake smile on your lips before turning around to face her, her eyes thinned disapprovingly.

"Rey." You said, "Hi." Her dark brown pupils scanned over your face, and she crossed her arms, tilting her head to the side.

"I thought I might find you here." She moved towards you, motioning for you to sit down at a table. You begrudgingly complied, slumping down across from her as she continued to stare at you. "I'm missing your report from a few days ago. From when you collected that teacher's soul."

"Oh," You glanced down at your hands on the table, nervously picking at your long nails. "Well, that's because I...didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Collect his soul." Rey thinned her eyes further, taking in a deep breath through clenched teeth.

"Why didn't you?" She asked, her voice threaded with thinly veiled aggravation.

"Um, a demon got to him instead." You pinched a hangnail off of your finger, wincing as a drop of white blood seeped along your cuticle.

"Which demon?" She asked lowly, rubbing at her temples. You paused, preparing yourself for this scolding that was sure to follow.

"Kylo Ren." Rey groaned, falling against the back of the chair and rolling her eyes.

"My God, what is it with the two of you?" She stood up, pacing back and forth, "Does he follow you everywhere you go?"

"Pretty much." You wiped the blood against your gown.

"Well you need to figure out a way to ignore him. Or at least overpower him. You can't keep losing souls."

"Don't you think I'm trying?" You raised your hands defensively, "I'm not losing them on purpose."

"Just fix it." She snapped, her brows furrowed, "I can't keep making up excuses for you." You just nodded, looking down at your lap. Rey was quiet for a moment, continuing to glare at you. "Look, I don't want to have to send you for reconditioning." She shook her head.

"Reconditioning?!" You exclaimed, "I haven't done anything to warrant that kind of—"

"You're not doing your job." She turned away, her back to you, "Improve, and it won't be an issue."

You shook your head, huffing disbelievingly. Reconditioning. Yet another reason why Heaven wasn't quite so heavenly. It was where angels were sent when they didn't cooperate. When they didn't live up to their purpose. And you would do everything in your power not to get sent there.

"Okay." You looked up at her, "I'll do better."

"Good." She nodded, her back still to you. She glanced over her shoulder, sighing. "Have a report to me by next week. At least three souls since you're so behind."

"Okay." You said again, pinching your finger stressfully again as another drop of blood smeared down your skin. With that, Rey nodded once more, slowly beginning to walk away and rounding the corner to the entryway. You watched her leave with thinned eyes, your blood bubbling with anger and also, anxiety. Being sent to reconditioning was just about the worst thing you could possibly imagine. You'd spoken to angels who'd come back from there, and each of them described it the same way. Like hell, but worse. You shivered.

Groaning, you stood up from the chair, crossing your arms over your chest and storming towards the exit. You stomped out of the library, the bright sun shining down on your face as you stood on the front steps. You glanced around, the pathway to the main square laid out before you, surrounded by endless, rolling grassy hills. The wind blew softly through your hair, and you tucked it behind your ear, annoyed by the loose strands that got into your eyes. You walked slowly along the stone path, moss growling between the slabs and creeping across their surfaces. 

You started to stress as you continued to trudge towards the main square, your mind swirling with a million thoughts. Getting three souls in a week certainly wasn't impossible. You'd done it before. But you had a feeling that something--or someone, rather--was most definitely going to get in your way. 

He wasn't going to make this easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This city was definitely more bearable than New York. It was quieter. Less dense—population wise. You didn't feel like you were about to be swallowed by a crowd as you walked down the street, and you could stretch your arms out without smacking someone in the face. And it was warmer—at least a little. It was still winter, but this place seemed not to be affected by it. You were somewhere in Florida. It didn't really matter where exactly. You weren't here to sightsee.

You wrung your hands together as you glanced around the bus, the only other people around you an old woman (clearly in her final years), a middle aged man covered in tattoos and piercings, and a little boy, around the age of thirteen. But none of them were your targets, and you stood up as the bus rolled to a stop, heading for the exit. You tipped the driver a few dollars before stepping out on the street, glancing around for your destination. And as the bus rolled away, revealing the opposite street side to you, you found it.

"The Booby Trap—Strip Club" The light-up sign read in cheesy neon letters. You rolled your eyes. Human men disgusted you more every day.

You glanced down at your phone. 3:30 in the afternoon. On a Monday. You assumed it wouldn't be busy—only a few sad, wifeless men who spent all of their time throwing one dollar bills at the dancers. Hopefully they wouldn't get in your way, or worse. Try to speak to you.

You walked through the front doors, the figure of a curvy woman painted in red ink on the dirty glass. And as soon as you were inside, the smell of cheap perfume and liquor assaulted your nose, making you cringe. The air was thick with smokey fog, and loud dancing music blared overhead, strobe lights made up of a rainbow of colors nearly blinding you. Around the room were different stages, pierced through the center with tall metal poles. The ground was covered in confetti and glitter, and the occasional cigarette butt, which you stepped over, walking towards the main stage.

There were only a few men in the room, staring wide eyed towards the woman on stage, dancing her heart out to Toxic by Brittany Spears. She was gorgeous, with long blonde hair and a face that surely could have been on the cover of some sort of well respected magazine. You wondered how she ended up here. Not that you looked down on her profession. You didn't. But your heart did lurch for her at the specific crowd that she was having to preform for.

The men were all just as you expected them to be. Middle aged, pot bellied, scum bags with comb overs and beers in hand. You walked quickly past them, holding your hand to the side of your face and hoping that they didn't look too closely and shift their attention to you.

You slumped down into a seat, watching the rest of the girl's dance and smiling encouragingly at her. There was something about her you admired. It was a shame she didn't have much time left. You wished it could have been one of the guys sitting around you. You wouldn't lose a blink of sleep over any of them.

The song came to an end, the girl descending gracefully from the poll as her chest heaved. She straightened her spine, taking a glaring glance towards the tiny crowd of men, who whooped and hollered, throwing dollars onto the stage and clapping their hands.

"Encore!" One of them chuckled, but the girl just rolled her eyes, walking backstage with a slow sway of her hips. She was very attractive, you had to admit. Usually, humans didn't tempt you much at all. But this girl was different, and you were more than intrigued to go and talk to her.

You stood up, heading for the curtain over the wall that you assumed led backstage. You pulled it to the side, sliding past it and putting the curtain back into place behind you. A long, brightly lit hallway met your gaze, and you walked down it, glancing at the different doors and the signs that labeled them.

"Lilly", one read. "Jessica" read another, and "Sara". About a dozen other names lined the hall, and you furrowed your brow. You weren't sure what the girl's name was. Usually, you didn't learn the soul's names at all, but this time, you might need it.

But luckily, just as you were standing there, a door at the end of the hall swung open, and she just so happened to walk out, wrapped in a white robe as she twisted her hair up into a messy bun. You walked quickly towards her, your heart jumping for some reason. You cleared your throat, and as you did, she turned around, her brows furrowed.

"Hey," She said as you stopped in front of her, "Can I help you?"

"Oh," You paused. You hadn't thought about what you were going to say after you got her attention. "I was just wondering about getting a job here." You lied, straightening your spine.

"A job?" She glanced over her shoulder, scratching at the back of her head, "I'm not sure they're hiring now...but let me go check for you."

"Thanks so much." You smiled, and she did the same, turning and walking away down the hall. You watched her leave, admiring the way her hips swayed so effortlessly. But quickly, you snapped out of your daydream, shaking your head and turning to leave. You'd looked into her eyes—ocean blue and filled with sadness. It was all you needed. But somehow, you felt bad leaving. Usually, you didn't feel connected at all to souls. But this one was different. She didn't deserve to die. She had so much more life to live. So much more happiness to experience.

But you strolled out into the main room again, another dancer having taken to the stage, doing her routine to a song you didn't recognize. You slumped back down into the same chair, picking at your fingernails again. The hangnail still hadn't healed, and you messed with it more, drawing another drop of white blood from your skin. You sucked it from your fingertip, the taste flooding your palette. Angels' blood looked different than humans', but it tasted pretty much the same. Like iron, but with a hint of sickening sweetness.

Your mind drifted off for a minute as you thought about the girl, and how you wished that you could save her from the impending doom that was soon to befall her. You could see her future as clear as day, and the events that were to occur made you feel physically sick. You hated human men more and more every second.

But suddenly, your attention was drawn away from the dancer on stage, the sound of the door opening and closing with a smack startling you. You didn't pay it much mind, though, assuming that it was just another random dude with no ambitions in life coming for his daily strip-fix.

The dancer's routine continued on, and you watched her with half-lidded eyes, contemplating whether you should leave or stay for a little longer. But just as you were about to stand up, the music ended, and quiet fell over the room for a few seconds. Just long enough for you to hear something else from behind you. The sound of voices. Both of which you quickly recognized. One of them belonged to the girl you'd just talked to, high and soft—like a song. But the other instantly sent a shiver down your spine, making your heart beat immediately start to race.

Kylo was here.

You spun around in your chair, your eyes thinned as you glared towards the two of them. But somehow, looking only made you feel worse, the scene before you settling a sickening pit in your stomach.

Kylo stood, towering over her with his hands on the sides of her arms, their eyes locked together in a way that made you want to vomit. He was speaking quietly, his low voice vibrating through his chest and spilling off his lips like honey. And she was eating it up. Her head was tilted seductively to the side, her long, straight hair falling over the side of her face. She batted her eyelashes slowly, wetting her lips as Kylo smirked at something he said.

You knew he was here for her soul. But you also knew that he wouldn't pass up the chance to have fun with someone—human or not. And that made you feel sicker than the fact that he was probably going to beat you again.

His hand slid slowly down her arm and onto her waist, pulling her closer to his chest. She giggled, her fingertips trailing down his sternum and stopping on the center of his ribcage. That's when you snapped.

You stood up from the chair, the flimsy metal thing falling sideways and clanging against the ground. But you didn't care, charging towards them just as Kylo reached forward to brush a stand of her hair out of her face. You nearly screamed.

Seething with—you hated to admit it, but jealously, you stopped beside them, clearing your throat. They both seemed to snap out of their little moment, turning innocently towards you. Kylo in particular had the most infuriating look on his face, like he had no idea who you were or why you would be interrupting them. You sneered, thinning your eyes.

"Oh, there you are!" The girl stepped towards you, "I wasn't sure where you went. So, I asked my boss about a job for you and he said that maybe if you auditioned we could find a spot for you."

"A job?" Kylo smirked, making your blood boil, "Really?"

"Oh yeah," The girl smiled up at him before turning back to you. "I think you would be great if you're really interested."

"Oh..." You paused, struggling for the right words. Or words at all. "What would the audition be like?"

"You'd just have to do a quick little dance on stage." She smiled, as if that was no big deal at all. "My boss wants to make sure you look good."

"Oh..." You said again, your cheeks burning brightly as Kylo stared down at you with a devilish, arrogant smile. "You know what, actually—" You stuttered, "I don't think I can do it."

"Sure you can." Kylo wrapped his arm around the girl's shoulder, pulling her close to his side and making your body tense with jealously. "I personally would love to see you try."

"You scum bag," The girl punched playfully at Kylo's arm. "Of course you would." She turned to you, smiling encouragingly. "Don't do it if you're not comfortable. It takes a special kind of person for this job."

You scoffed. You weren't a person at all. But you knew what she meant.

"I'm sorry," You shook your head, "I really don't think I can."

"That's okay," The girl reached of you, laying her hand on your arm. You felt a pang of guilt wash through you. She really was a nice person. "Don't feel bad at all." She backed up, sighing and glancing at a clock on the wall. "Oops," She glanced towards the stage, "I have to get back to work." She turned to Kylo, smirking flirtatiously, "If you'll excuse me."

Kylo eyed her up and down, nodding as his hand trailing down her arm once more.

"Feel free to watch my set." She squeezed his bicep before she walked away, her hips swaying in the same seductive rhythm as before. You stomach dropped as you watched Kylo's eyes follow her away, and you cleared your throat, bringing his gaze back to you.

"What?" He questioned.

"Can you stop?"

"Stop what?" He leaned towards you, "Is this making you jealous or something?"

"No." You lied, thinning your eyes at him, "I mean following me around. We already talked about this."

"I was assigned to this soul." He shrugged, "It has nothing to do with you." You scoffed, rolling your eyes and pushing past him. You slumped back down into the same seat as before, crossing your arms and glaring up at the stage. The music started after a moment, and the girl walked out in a lacy bra and underwear, gripping the pole and swinging around it. She flipped her hair around and over her shoulder, running her hands slowly through the long strands and staring towards the back of the room. You glanced over your shoulder, nearly vomiting again as Kylo smiled towards her, winking. You groaned.

She twirled around the pole, her thin bra sliding off with a quick flick of her wrist. It fell to the ground, her bare breasts being exposed as the men around you cheered. You rolled your eyes, slumping back into the chair. Next, she slid off her underwear, throwing them off the stage and glancing at Kylo once more before lifting herself up on the pole, exposing everything to the crowd. If Kylo wasn't there looking too, you might have enjoyed it. But all you could think about was his eyes on her—not you, and your stomach churned again.

She did some kind up upside down movement, her curves highlighted under the bright lights as she moved around, her feet falling back to the ground. She walked slowly around the pole, letting her hips sway once more as her perfect ass faced towards the crowd. You chewed at the inside of your lip, praying for this to end.

Finally, after what felt like decades, the song slowed to a stop, and she smiled towards the audience, winking once more at Kylo before she slinked off stage, the curtain closing behind her. 

You glanced at him over your shoulder, wincing as he wet his lips, his hands flexing by his sides. You didn't have to ask him to know what he was thinking, and you wanted nothing more than to walk up to him and kick him straight in the balls. You knew it was selfish, and stupid, and unavoidable--But the idea of him fucking someone else made you want to die. You'd rather burn in hell than watch him be with her.

Your heart nearly stopped as he suddenly started walking towards the curtain, and you rose out of your seat before you could stop yourself, b-lining in his direction. Just as he was reaching for the curtain, you ran in front of him, blocking his path. He grunted, bumping into your frame and knocking you back slightly.

"You're in my way, kid." He laughed down at you, and you just blushed, pushing him backwards.

"Please don't have sex with her." You blurted out, and he just widened his eyes. "Please." You repeated, hating that you were even having this conversation. And hating that you cared enough to.

"What makes you think I was going to do that?" He tilted his head innocently, and you scoffed.

"Come on." You looked down at his waist, where an obvious tent had been pitched in his pants. "I know how you operate." He chuckled, and you looked back up, meeting his gaze.

"So what if I don't?" He shifted closer to you. "What will you do for me in return?"

"You can have the soul." You gulped, "I'll get out of the way."

"Wow." He laughed, "Look at you. Making a deal with the devil."

"Will you shut the fuck up?" You whisper-hissed, "Do you accept?"

"Hm." His eyes flickered over your face. "I'm not sure it's enough."

"I don't know what else I can give you."

"Admit that you're jealous." His hand raised slowly, trailing down your arm. You shivered. "At least a little bit."

"I—" Your face burned with humiliation, "What good does that do?"

"I just want to hear you say it." You wanted to lie, but what was the point? Clearly, you were jealous. So you swallowed the shame, sighing. If this was what it would take... 

"Yes, I'm jealous. I'm fucking jealous. Are you happy now?" He smiled, his dimples appearing on his cheeks.

"Very happy." He paused, sighing. "Alright. I won't fuck her."

"Great." You exhaled, looking away.

"But I still have a job to do." He patted your shoulder, squeezing tightly, "So, if you'll excuse me..." You just glared at him as he pushed past you, disappearing behind the curtain. You could hear his footsteps slamming loudly against the ground as he walked away, and you sucked in a quick breath through clenched teeth, rubbing at your temples.

You hated yourself for the fact that you'd just sold a soul to Kylo solely because you wanted to prevent him from being with someone else. He wasn't yours anymore. Why did you still care? You cursed under your breath as you walked out of the club and back onto the street side, the sun glaring down on your face. But you felt like it should have been raining, at least with the way you were feeling.

You couldn't keep doing this. It was going to send you to Reconditioning, or worse. Dealing with a demon was not only against the rules, but could definitely get you kicked out of Heaven if anyone found out. And where would you go then? You had no one. Nowhere to call home.

And what was worse, the person you wanted by your side most of all would still be out of reach. Unattainable. You couldn't think of a single scenario where anything would go your way, and you slumped down on the sidewalk, closing your eyes and picturing what used to be between the two of you.

And what you would never, ever have again.


	4. I Knew You'd Haunt All Of My "What Ifs"

Ben's hands trailed down your sides, gripping tightly at your waist and humming against your lips. You melted happily into his figure, running your long fingernails through his wavy hair and massaging his scalp. He just hummed once more, deepening the kiss and slipping his tongue between your lips. His digits ghosted over your inner thigh as you laid back on the hard wooden table, and he squeezed tightly, making you moan. 

"Someone's going to hear us." You breathed, parting from his lips for a short moment. "We can't."

"No one comes in here." He shook his head, panting softly. "You know that."

"But what if--"

"I don't care." You smirked as he shot back to your mouth, kissing you roughly and forcing you further back onto the table. Your body slid along the surface, and Ben wrapped his hands around your backside, pulling you close to him and letting your hands grip tightly onto his shirt. He sat you up slightly, your legs wrapping around his waist for support as he continued to kiss you. 

"Spread your legs." He whispered after a few minutes, his eyes scanning frantically over your face and down your chest. You quickly complied, widening them and leaning back, propped up by your elbows. His breath faltered as he gripped your inner thighs tightly, spreading them even further apart and dropping to his knees in front of the low library table.

You could feel his hot breath against your skin as he leaned forward, his lips planting soft kisses up the inside of your thighs and making you shiver. You hummed, adjusting on the surface and shifting closer to him. He just smiled, continuing up your legs until he reached the line of your underwear. 

Your nerves jolted excitedly as he gripped them between his digits, sliding them down and off your feet before your could blink. He was back between your legs a moment later, his teeth biting playfully at your thigh and making you whimper. 

Your clit was aching--begging for attention as he teased you, dragging you closer and closer to insanity every time he stayed just far enough away to make your body react the way he wanted it to. But you were growing impatient--desperate for any kind of friction--and you shot your hands forward, digging your fingers into his scalp and shoving his face towards you. 

He made a surprised noise, but didn't pull away, immediately reacting and sliding his tongue through your slit. You whimpered again, your eyes rolling back slightly as he moved up to your clit, working his tongue in slow circles around it and setting your nerves on fire. It was like fireworks were exploding through you every time he touched you, and you pulled him closer, desperate for more. 

His nose grazed over your clit, and you nearly screamed, biting your bottom lip so hard to silence it that you drew a drop of blood from the side. It trickled down your chin and onto your neck, a line of milky white blood staining your face as Ben continued. He moaned lowly as his tongue moved in rhythmic patterns, the vibrations from his throat nearly sending you over the edge. 

His hands continued to grip tightly at your inner thighs as he worked, and you were sure that bruises would be left in his digit's place tomorrow morning. But you didn't care about that now. 

Ben moaned again, moving back to your clit and wrapping his lips around it. You whimpered loudly, your hands digging even harder into his scalp as your body tensed, your nerves unsure of how to react to such a high. His tongue circled around it once more, and you gasped, feeling tightness begin to build in your stomach. 

He slid one of his hands down from your thigh, moving it towards your core and teasing at your entrance. 

"Ben..." You breathed his name, your voice just a whisper as your mind flashed white. But he just hummed innocently as two of his fingers suddenly sunk into your cunt, your walls clenching tightly around him as you screamed. Your arms went limp in his hair, and you fell back against the table, your breath ragged and heaving. You didn't think you could take any more until he slipped a third finger in, filling you completely as he twisted his digits inside of you. 

"Fuck...Ben," You just whispered as he continued to run his tongue over your clit, a wave of euphoria threatening to crash over you like a tsunami. You were right on the edge, your body ramping up as your nerves danced excitedly. Just a few more seconds and...

"Excuse me, ma'am." The therapist waved his hand in front of your face, snapping annoyingly. "I think you drifted off for a second there."

"Oh, sorry." You shook your head, adjusting on the strangely hard couch. The memory floated away slowly, and you looked up, letting the tears welling in your eyes fall back into your head, "I'm just a little tired today."

"That's alright." He smiled at you, glancing down his clipboard. "Now, what were you saying before about your past relationship?"

"Right," You cleared your throat, sighing. It was true, you were only here to collect this man's soul, but you figured a therapy session certainly couldn't hurt. Might as well use it when you had the opportunity. "Well, things were amazing. Perfect, really. He was everything I'd ever wanted."

"So what happened?" The therapist leaned forward, interrupting you. You frowned. He wasn't very good at his job.

"Um, I lost him. I mean, he's not dead or anything. But he might as well be."

"What do you mean?"

"He's a completely different person now." You looked down at your lap, "I don't know him like I used to."

"So you're still in contact?" You nodded. "And how does that make you feel?" You huffed.

"A lot of different ways." You tried to sort though the hurricane of emotions in your head, picking out identifiable feelings. "I feel...sad, because I know that he's wrong for me, but somehow I still can't get him out of my head. And then I'm angry because I can't stop thinking about him. And then I'm frustrated that I can't just run back to him like I really want to."

"And why can't you?"

"Because—" You paused. How were you supposed to explain this to a human? You had a feeling that he wouldn't understand that if you were ever discovered with Kylo that you'd be damned for all eternity. Mortals usually never had a grip on that big of a span of time, or that kind of punishment. The idea was unfathomable to them. "It's complicated." You said instead, "I don't know how to explain it."

"Well, from what I'm understanding, you feel as though there are loose ends that need to be tended to." You frowned. You really didn't like this guy.

"I mean, yeah, I guess."

"How close are the two of you now?"

"Um..." You paused, thinking it over. You really weren't sure how to answer. "We're—however you would be with someone that you used to be in love with."

"I'm not sure what you mean." The therapist furrowed his brows.

"I mean that we're...friends but not friends. We used to be together. Now we're not but we don't hate each other or anything." This wasn't making much sense to you either. But you didn't know how else to explain it in a way he would understand. Not that he was understanding this either. "It doesn't matter," You shook your head, "The point is that I can't figure out how to forget about him."

"Hm." The therapist tilted his head stupidly. You were wanting to punch this man more and more by the second. This is why you never talked to anyone about your problems. "And would you say that you're still in love with him?" You paused, chewing on your bottom lip.

"Yes."

The rest of the session was uneventful. You couldn't believe that this guy had actually passed any sort of course on how to do this. You finished up without feeling any sort of resolve, shaking the man's hand and taking a good, long look into his eyes. They were an icy blue, and they sort of creeped you out as you stared into them, smiling fakely.

"Thank you for talking to me." You loosened your grip on his hand, trying to pull away, "I really appreciate it." That was a lie. You'd hated every second of it.

"Of course." The man smiled creepily, and you yanked your hand back to your side.

"Alright, I should be going now." You pushed past him as quickly as possible, leaving the stale office and bolting out into the hallway. You scurried down the fluorescent-bulb lit corridor, stepping into the elevator and quickly descended to the lobby. Hurrying out of the building, you stopped on the front steps, sighing and slumping down on a metal bench near the wall. You leaned back, closing your eyes and breathing deeply, trying to clear your mind. Kylo hadn't shown up to mess up your plans yet, and you figured you should work quickly before he did.

You imagined the man's face. His voice. His eyes. And snap, you were in. You could hear his thoughts—see his every impulse in detail. You focused harder, clearing his brain of everything in your way and washing a calming sensation over him. You could feel his body relax, now seated back in his chair from before, and you took over completely, all of his previous thoughts ceasing to speak. Slowly, your voice creeped into his head, whispering softly at first.

Do not be afraid, you spoke, God has chosen you. Do not run away from him when the time comes.

The man didn't flinch at all. He just sat back in his chair, breathing deeply and closing his eyes. You continued, bolder this time.

The Kingdom of Heaven will welcome you with open arms, you said, you will be safe there.

You felt a smile creep over the man's lips, a surge of calm swelling through his chest.

Do not run away when the time comes, you repeated, follow the light and you will be saved.

The man nodded to himself, and you celebrated silently. You had him.

You repeated your lines a few more times, though you really didn't need to. You'd won this one. Finally.

Eventually, you loosened your grip on his mind, letting your voice trickle out of his head until it disappeared completely. And he just opened his eyes slowly, still just as calm. You almost patted yourself on the back.

It felt good to succeed for the first time in what felt like forever, and you sighed happily, opening your eyes and staring out across the front steps. But as you turned your head to scan around, your gaze fell on something large and tall beside you, and you yelped, jumping.

Kylo glanced over at you from the end of the bench, his elbows resting on his knees as he held his face in his hands. He was dressed in an old, worn out looking leather jacket, a white t-shirt underneath and black jeans over his legs. His hair was combed neatly, the raven, wavy strands hanging over his collar. 

"Therapy?" He huffed, "I never would've pegged you as a therapy kind of person."

"I'm not." You collected yourself, staring down at your lap, "It was just for a soul. Which I got, by the way."

"Ah." Kylo sat up straight, his eyes still scanning over you.

"And why are you here?" You raised your eyebrows. "To mess with me again, I'm assuming."

"No, actually." He rubbed his hands together, the tips of his fingers covered in ash. "I finished my work for today. Figured I'd pay you an innocent visit."

"Innocent?" You scoffed, "Sure."

"Why can't it be innocent?" He shifted closer to you.

"Because it never is with you." You got chills as you watched him out of the corner of your eye. "You always have some sort of ulterior motive."

"Sometimes I do." He lowered his voice, "But not right now." Silence fell over the two of you, and you caught yourself wishing that he would scoot closer. Obviously, you would pretend not to like it if he did. But that wouldn't be the truth.

But suddenly, Kylo stood up, stretching his limbs and grumbling to himself. And after a few moments, he turned back to you, his eyes flickering over your face again. His lips parted, his face flashing an expression you couldn't place.

"I want to show you something." He said, and you furrowed your brows. "Come with me." You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. "No, I'm serious." He reached his hand towards you, his palm outstretched. "Come with me."

"You know I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"If anyone sees us together--"

"We're not doing anything wrong." He cut you off, his eyes pleading silently in a way that almost made you trust him. "And no one will see us, anyway."

"Kylo—"

"Come on, Y/N." He moved his hand closer, "You know you want to." You paused, considering it. He was right—you did want to. Curiosity of what he wanted to show you mixed with the fact that honestly, you would rather follow him anywhere than leave alone made the offer very tempting. You chewed on your bottom lip again. You had to stop doing that. It was going to bruise.

"Where are we going, then?" You stood up on your own, avoiding his hand. He huffed.

"You'll see." He turned away, looking up at the sky as storm clouds were just starting to roll in overhead. "You have to take my hand to get there though."

"Oh, do I?" You walked up next to him, thinning your eyes. You didn't want to seem too eager, all though taking his hand was something you would sell your own soul to do. 

"Mhm." He smiled down at you, extending his palm towards you again, "Come on, kid. Don't make this difficult." You gritted your teeth.

"But what if--"

"I don't want to hear what ifs." Kylo cut you off, flexing his hand. You paused, chewing your lip.

"Fine." You rolled your eyes, trying your best to hide your excitement as you slipped your palm on top of his, his fingers gripping you tightly. You couldn't help the blush that spread across your cheeks as his thumb ran over the back of your hand—maybe by accident, but probably on purpose. He knew what he did to you.

"Alright." He raised his other hand, pressing his thumb and middle finger together. "Let's go."

With that, he snapped loudly, and in a blink, both of your figures disappeared into thin air, blowing away in the soft breeze as if they was never there at all.


	5. Tell Me You Don't Want This

Your eyes snapped open, and you gasped, air flooding back into your lungs. You'd never traveled like that before, and with how you were feeling, you hoped you never did again. Your body was tingling painfully, your cells sliding back into place and locking together in the same pattern as before. You dropped Kylo's hand--your skin having gone cold to the touch--and keeled over, holding onto your own thighs for support. But your legs were trembling too, and you ended up having to fall down on your hands and knees, breathing heavily.

Your hands gripping tightly into the long grass below you, you finally took a moment to glance around at your surroundings. You'd landed on the top of some sort of cliff, a giant body of water below you hundreds of meters down. The wind blew wildly past you, whipping through your hair and the loose fabric of your dress as the sun beat down on you. You had no idea where he'd taken you, and you glanced up at him, your brows furrowed confusedly. The area looked vaguely familiar for some reason, but for the life of you, you couldn't seem to place it.

You were also confused at the fact that Kylo seemed completely unaffected by the same pain you were suffering. He just stood over you, his eyes focused blankly on your face as the wind whipped through his wavy locks. 

"It'll wear off soon." He said simply, offering you his hand once more. You just shook your head, taking it weakly and letting him yank you to your feet. Your legs still felt like jello beneath you as Kylo propped you up, leading you over to a nearby tree and resting you against its trunk. The more you looked around, the more familiar the place became. But you still had no idea why. It was starting to bother you that you couldn't remember. 

The tree stretched high above your head, its branches extending out and up, reaching towards the sky like giant arms. Its leaves, dark green and thin, shaded you from the bright sun, and you sighed, resting the back of your head against the thick wood. You watched out of the corner of your eye as Kylo slumped down next to you, a few feet away again. You almost motioned for him to move closer, but you caught yourself, pinning your hands in your lap. 

Silence fell over the two of you for a few minutes, the wind whistling past you and ruffling through your clothes. You glanced over at Kylo, who was staring out across the grassy field, toward the edge of the cliff and over the water. 

"So..." You broke the silence, your body starting to feel as if it was returning to normal, "Where are we exactly?"

"You don't remember?" He turned to you, his eyebrows raised. "I'm surprised."

"It's familiar, for sure." You scanned your surroundings again, racking your brain, "But I can't place it."

"Think harder." Kylo reached down, plucking a small green fruit from the ground. An olive, you quickly realized. He rolled it between his fingertips, dusting off the dirt covering its shiny surface. And after a moment, he crushed it with ease, its center dripping down his digits. 

And as he did--as you stared at his hands, your eyes widening, you finally remembered. It hit you abruptly like a ton of bricks, and you could feel your face going as pale as white marble. The memory flooded into your mind like a tsunami, overtaking every other thought in your head and forcing you to relive it. You had no idea how you hadn't recognized this place before--but deep down you knew that you'd just blocked it out. It was too painful to remember. Reluctantly, you slammed your eyes shut, watching the scene play behind your closed lids for the first time in years. 

Ben groaned tiredly next to you, the sun filtering down through the gaps in the branches as his hair blew softly in the wind. He rolled an olive between his thumb and middle finger, crushing it with ease and discarding it to the ground next to him. He adjusted against the trunk, his wings folded at his back and tucked away almost completely. The grass was longer back then, reaching up to your waist as you leaned against the thick tree trunk, and you played with a piece of it between your fingertips, sliding along its thin length. 

"Usually I hate earth." You muttered, your cheeks glowing warmly in the summer weather. "But this place isn't bad at all."

"Mhm." Ben agreed, nodding slowly and peering out across the field. "I could stay here for a while."

"I wish we could." You sighed, glancing around and admiring your surroundings. "But we probably need to get back soon."

"A few more hours won't hurt anyone," He slid down against the trunk, "I don't want to leave yet."

"Alright." You smiled, sliding down like he had and resting the back of your head on a big root sticking out of the dirt. "Me neither." The whistling wind replaced the sound of your voices, the warm breeze keeping you perfectly comfortable as you laid underneath the stretching branches. 

But as you laid in silence, you mind started to swirl with thoughts and worries. You chewed on your bottom lip, staring up at the sky through the gaps in the leaves and watching the fluffy clouds roll by. This place felt safe. Secure--like as long as you were there nothing could hurt you. Nothing could go wrong. And you wished that you could stay.

"Ben?" You finally turned towards him, and he glanced over at you. 

"Hm?"

"Do you ever...ugh, never mind."

"No, what is it?" He propped himself up on his elbow, turning towards you. 

"Do you ever wonder if it would be possible to just...leave?"

"Leave what?" He furrowed his brows. 

"Leave Heaven. For good." Ben looked surprised by your question for a moment, but slowly, he considered it, his eyes swirling with thought. He chewed at the inside of his cheek. 

"Like stop being an angel?"

"Mhm."

"Is that even possible?" You shrugged, still laying back against the root.

"I have no idea." He paused again, his chest rising and falling slowly. 

"Why would you want to leave?"

"I just feel trapped sometimes. Don't you?"

"Yes." He nodded thoughtfully, his eyes flicking over your face. 

"I feel like I can't do the things I want to do." You continued, "All the rules get in the way."

"And what do you want to do?" His voice softened, and your breath caught in your chest. You wanted him. All of him. His hands on your body. His lips on yours. His arms wrapped around you so tightly that you never slipped away. But you couldn't say any of that out loud. You wouldn't let yourself, plus the fact that it was most definitely not allowed. Nothing joyful was ever allowed to you. Ironic for Heaven's rules to be that way. 

"I--" You stuttered instead, your cheeks starting to burn bright red. You bit your bottom lip so hard that you were sure a drop of blood would drip out, fighting the slamming of your heartbeat. "I'm not sure."

"Aren't you?" Ben whispered, sliding closer to you and staring deeply into your eyes. You nearly crumbled into a million pieces right there. Everything in you was telling you that you needed to sit up. To move away. To not let yourself fall. Nothing good would come from this. Nothing. 

But as he continued to slide closer, you couldn't move at all. You were frozen in place, your heart overruling your mind and refusing to let you run away. You'd wanted this for as long as you could remember, and there was no way you were going to pass up this moment because of the rules. You convinced yourself that they didn't apply to you when no one was watching, regardless of if that was true or not. 

"Ben..." You breathed, his face now inches from yours. 

"Tell me you don't want this." He whispered, "Say the word and I'll stop." His eyes flickered frantically over your face, searching for any sign of resistance. Any hesitation. And though it probably should have been there--if you were thinking clearly at all and considering the consequences--there was none. You did want this. Desperately. 

"I want this." You spoke in a whisper, your bottom lip trembling as Ben moved towards you once more. "I've always wanted this." A smile creeped over his face, and he raised his hand up to ghost along your cheek. You shivered, the air evaporating from your lungs like it was never there as he leaned forward, his eyes fluttering closed. 

You could barely process what was happening as his lips slowly connected with yours in a soft, fragile kiss, his thumb rubbing carefully against your cheek. You could feel every inch of your body tingling with excitement and disbelief as he did, your nerves dancing with elation. He slid closer, deepening the kiss as he sucked in a quick breath through his nose. 

You could feel him moving onto his hands and knees without leaving your mouth, placing his hands on the ground beside your arms as he hovered over your chest. He pressed you harder against the root that your head was resting on, and you reached up, running your hands through his hair and humming softly against his lips. 

You could feel him smiling, and you did the same, your heart glowing warmly at the long awaited moment you were sharing. He was all you'd ever wanted. All you'd ever dreamed of. And in that moment, you remembered thinking that everything would be okay after that. That you would finally be happy. Together. 

If only you'd known what was coming. Maybe then you wouldn't have kissed him. Maybe then you wouldn't have let him take over your mind and heart--holding it in the palm of his hand just to eventually crush it into dust.

You should have known better back then. But you hadn't. 

Your eyes snapped back open, already glistening with the new tears brimming in your waterline. Your chest was heaving, your lips parted and quivering just barely. But your hands were shaking more violently in your lap, and you wrung them together, clearing your throat and looking down at the ground. 

You could feel Kylo's eyes on you in silence, but you couldn't bring yourself to look at him. You couldn't understand why he was doing this. Why had he brought you here? Just to torture you with the memory of what used to be? Of when things were good. When things were happy. You shook your head, huffing painfully. 

"Why did you bring me here?" You breathed, your voice threatening to crack if you spoke any louder. 

"Because I wanted you to remember." He muttered. 

"Why?" A single tear dripped down onto your cheek, and you wiped it away frantically, embarrassment washing over you and painting your face red. "Just to torture me with it?"

"No." Kylo shook his head, still staring towards you. But you refused to look up. "Because you said back then that you wanted to leave. You wanted to escape."

"That was a long time ago--"

"But you feel the same way now. I know you do."

"You're wrong." You lied, feeling your heart lurch towards him. "I could never do what you did. I'm not like you, Kylo."

"You are." He slid closer, and your body tensed. "We're a lot more alike than you'll admit. Deep down, you know it's true."

"Stop." You pushed yourself off the trunk, starting to stand up. But before you could, his hand suddenly closed around your wrist, yanking you back down forcefully and slamming you back against the wood. You yelped, but before you could get up again, he was on top of you, his arms by your sides, pinning your down as he hovered over your chest. 

Your breath caught again. It was just like before, and the memory threatened to overtake your mind again--although the situation was vastly different. But one thing hadn't changed at all. You still wanted him just as badly as you had all those decades ago. You body still urned for his touch. Your lips still felt vacant without his pressed against them. And you wanted nothing more than to yank him towards you. To smother his mouth with yours and feel his hands wandering your figure and discovering every part of your body. 

His eyes scanned frantically over your face, his lips parting slightly as he took in a slow breath. 

"And you feel the same way about me that you did back then, too." He breathed, and you shook your head painfully. "Don't you?"

"I don't." It came out more choked than you'd meant for it to, and he huffed. 

"Really?" He thinned his eyes doubtfully, wetting his lips. You didn't respond. You couldn't. You'd suddenly forgotten how to speak--or even move.

"Tell me you don't want this," He leaned forward slowly, his face only inches from yours. You stayed silent. "Say the word and I'll stop." Just like before, everything in you was screaming--pleading with you to shove him off. To tell him to leave. To walk away alone. To protect yourself from the inevitable heartbreak that he would bring upon you. You shouldn't let this happen. You knew that. 

But that didn't make you want it any less. 

"I don't--" You started, forcing the words to your lips. But you only made it halfway through the sentence, your heart refusing to let you finish it. "I--" 

And before you had the chance to utter another syllable, Kylo shot forward, his lips slamming against yours with feverish intensity. He groaned, moving completely on top of you and sliding his hands to the sides of your face, forcing you towards him. He was like an animal, his tongue fighting its way into your mouth and swirling around yours as if he was starved--desperate for your touch. 

You could barely take in shallow breaths through kisses, and you finally caught a break as he moved down to your neck, sucking pink and purple bruises into your skin and biting lightly. You moaned, your mind refusing to process what was happening. What you were allowing to happen. 

You knew you shouldn't be doing this. You knew. You kept repeating that to yourself, but it did nothing to overpower your heart, lurching towards him as he continued to kiss along your neck and shoulder. 

"Fuck, I've missed this..." Kylo muttered quietly, and instantly, the space between your legs sparked into a flame, intense heat seeping up through your core. You shivered, and he noticed, smirking against you and moving down further. 

In a quick movement, his hands were on your breasts, and you nearly yelped as the fabric was torn from your chest, your bra exposed to his hungry eyes. His breath seemed to skip, and his lip twitched, his digits sliding behind your back and unclipping the clasp in the blink of an eye. The bra fell away, and without missing a beat, Kylo sunk down, his lips closing around one of your nipples and making your body go limp. 

You nearly drowned in the wave of pleasure that seeped through you, and you gasped, your eyes going blurry for a moment. He rolled his tongue over your nipple, sucking it into his mouth and groaning quietly. You didn't know how to process what was taking place. You'd waited years for this. Decades. And you couldn't wrap your mind around the fact that it was actually happening before your eyes. 

He moved to the other breast, his hand still playing with the other and squeezing at your flesh. Red marks were left behind as his fingertips moved around, and again, you were sure that there would be quite a few bruises tomorrow. But it didn't matter to you. 

You rolled your head against the trunk as Kylo moved back to your mouth, kissing you feverishly once more and wrapping his arms around your waist. With a grunt, he suddenly yanked you forward, your body flying against his chest as he whipped you around. You were on your hands and knees before you could protest, and your hair fell over your face as Kylo forced you towards the ground. 

"What are you--" You started, but before you could finish the sentence, you felt your backside press closely against Kylo's hips. And as soon as it did--your entire body froze. You could feel his cock pressing against you--long and hard, and he groaned, grinding softly against you and breathing deeply. 

"I wonder if you can still handle my cock?" He hissed, the grinding becoming stronger by the second. "Or has it been too long?"

"Kylo..." You just breathed, your lungs refusing to accept air. Your head was spinning. 

"Do you need me to stretch you open again after all these years?" He continued, your heart beat slamming dangerously, "Your tight little pussy..."

"God, yes--" You heard yourself whisper, and you could barely believe your own mouth. Your first thought was that you deserved to go to Hell. "Please." You wanted to rip your own vocal cords out. Why were you letting him do this? Why were you--

Your thoughts were abruptly interrupted as you felt Kylo shift behind you, the sound of a zipper moving down entering your ears. Your chest was heaving in anticipation as Kylo shoved his pants down his legs, leaning forward to press against you with bare skin. He hiked the fabric of your dress over your backside, ripping your underwear down to your knees and gripping his digits tightly into your soft flesh. 

You whimpered, his length dragging against the back of your thigh as you shifted your hips, seeking any sort of friction to cure the aching of your cunt. You needed him. All of him. You'd waited long enough. But he just clicked his tongue at you, laughing mockingly.

"Desperate little whore." He seethed, his grip tightening on your ass. You winced. "How long has it been since I fucked you?"

"Seventy three years." You said without hesitation, your face burning instantly at the obvious admission of your careful attention to how much time had passed. You were sure he'd barely even thought about it. You wished the same were true for you. He just chuckled again, grinding against you but refusing to thrust. You wined, your core aching desperately. 

"I bet you've counted the days since I left you..." He teased, leaning forward, his weight threatening to crush your tiny frame. You arched your back, breathing heavily. "Tell me how much you've missed me, fucking slut."

"I've missed you so much," You cried pathetically, "So much."

"That's right..." He breathed, leaning back again and digging his fingertips into your skin. "I want to hear you screaming for me while I fuck you. Prove how much you've missed me." All you could do was nod feverishly, your body pleading for him to sooth the aching of your core. 

You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could--you suddenly felt one of his hands leave your ass, and a moment later, it cracked back against your skin with painful intensity. You yelped, your body lurching forwards as he moaned, delivering another snap of his palm to your backside. You whined again, only getting more and more desperate as the seconds passed by, your cunt still empty and pleading. 

But Kylo shifted again, his hands finding a place on your hips and digging in tightly, forcing you back towards him. Your skin still stung painfully as he adjusted behind you, your face buried in your arms against the ground and your ass in the air. 

You felt him position himself, breathing deeply and pressing his hips against your backside. And a moment later, he suddenly thrusted forward, slamming into your cunt and splitting you open with one swift movement. You screamed, your voice masking his low moan, your core aching painfully after so long of being empty. It had to have been decades since someone touched you like this. And it was intoxicating. 

You whimpered pathetically as Kylo picked up a steady--but rough--rhythm, slamming into you with strong, deliberate movements.

"Fuck--you feel so good..." Kylo's voice echoed, low and rumbling. You just moaned in response, your legs shaking underneath you as you laid on your hands and knees. A mixture of pain and immense pleasure was shooting through you all at once, a stabbing sensation coming every time he thrusted back in with a low grumble. 

"Kylo--ugh," You winced, your walls clenching tightly around his length as your skin slapped together. You could feel hot tears escaping from the corners of your eyes as he forced you forward again, his cock slamming painfully into your cervix. You yelped, attempting to turn over your shoulder to glance at him with a pleading expression. But as soon as you moved, catching a quick glimpse of his heaving figure, he stopped, his eyes flashing with an angry, dark air. 

And in a flash, he was gripping at your hips again, lunging forward and wrapping an arm under your stomach. He whirled you around and onto your back, your spine smacking against the tree trunk. You whimpered, but he ignored you, instead shoving your legs back apart and thrusting in again without hesitation. You screamed, your cunt aching with a mixture of pain and irresistible ecstasy. But the pain was a little more prominent, and you reached for his hands, which were gripping tightly at your knees, attempting to adjust to a more comfortable position. 

But as soon as you touched him, his eyes thinned and he shot forward, knocking you back again as his large hand closed around your throat. You made a noise in surprise, but your voice was choked back by the tight pressure on your windpipe, Kylo's grip intensifying the more you struggled. 

"Stop moving," He ordered, "Or I'll make you suffer more."

"Fuck..." Was all you squeaked out--barely. The sound just faintly escaped past your lips, which you were sure were starting to turn blue from lack of oxygen. Sure, you'd been choked before. But not like this. This was different. Rougher. More dangerous. And you were loving every moment of it. 

Kylo snarled as your hands closed around his wrist, gripping tightly at his muscular arm and feeling his veins underneath your digits. You ran your fingertips over his skin, tracing up to where his fingers met your neck, your lips curling into a smirk. 

"How does it feel," He hissed, "To have a little bit of the devil in you?"

"God..." You breathed, and he squeezed again, delivering one particularly strong thrust to your cunt. You yelped to the best of your ability, but he just jerked you to the side, picking up his pace. His breath was starting to become more labored, and sweat beaded at his brow underneath the thick mop of his dark hair. It fell over his eyes, but you could still see that they were focused intensely on you and your body. They flickered excitedly every time he jolted you forward and you tits bounced up and down with the rhythm.

He wet his lips, throwing his head back for a moment as he continued to thrust, sinking all the way into you and hitting your cervix again. Every time he did, white light flashed behind your eyes, and a jolt of pain shot up through your core. But you barely paid attention to it as the tightness in your stomach started to build, a wave of euphoria threatening to wash over every inch of you. 

It had been so long--and you could barely contain yourself as you prepared for it, your heart slamming in anticipation. 

"You want to cum?" He hissed, looking back down at you and moving his other hand back to your breast. He pinched your nipple between his fingertips, and you hummed, starting to feel extremely lightheaded as he squeezed your throat. 

"Please," You managed, curling your hands around his wrist again and stroking slowly up his arm. His breath stalled, and he tightened his jaw, his defined, chiseled chin meeting your gaze. The scar along his cheek seemed to stretch uncomfortably as he did, the skin taut and reddened. 

"I'm not sure that you deserve it," He tilted his head, smiling deviously, "Remember, you wanted me to leave you alone."

"I--"

"Or have your feelings changed?" He lowered his face towards yours, never missing a beat with his thrusts. "Do you want me around now?" You said nothing, your cheeks flushing even redder than they already were. The truth was that you'd always wanted him around, despite what you told him. And he knew that just as well as you did. 

"Yes," You gave in, speaking flatly and arching your back towards him, "I want you around."

"I'm not sure I'm convinced," His lips ghosted against yours, and you shuddered, your eyes locked together. "Make me believe you."

"I missed you so much," You moved towards his lips again, but he pulled away just enough--teasing you. You groaned. 

"What else?"

"I thought about you every day." You begrudgingly admitted, feeling your eyes threaten to flutter closed as you climax approached. "I fucked myself to the thought of you. Of what you used to do to me..." Before you could utter another word, his lips were back on yours, smothering even more oxygen out of your windpipe. Between his hand around your throat and his mouth suffocating you, you were barely breathing. But in the moment, you didn't care. 

You body was coursing with energy and excitement, and every time he pushed into you the pleasure in your core only increased. You were so close to snapping. You knew you couldn't hold off for much longer. 

"Kylo--" You whimpered against his lips, and he just slipped his tongue between your teeth in response, stealing the words from your tongue and melting into your frame. 

He moaned against your mouth, thrusting vigorously as he neared his peak, sucking in quick, desperate breaths through his nose. You reached your hands up, brushing your fingertips through his scalp and earning another satisfied hum from his throat, vibrating against your mouth and making you shudder once more. 

"How many years has it been," He heaved, his chest rising and falling rapidly, "Since you came on my cock?"

"Like I said before," You stared up at him through half lidded eyes, squeaking as his hand clenched once more around your throat, "Seventy three." Kylo smirked devilishly, growling from deep in his chest before delivering one last strong thrust and sending you over the edge. 

You screamed, your head falling back and hitting the tree trunk as your orgasm ripped through you, setting every one of your nerves on fire and sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. Your legs shook violently around Kylo, sweat beading at your brow and rolling down your cheek. 

Kylo continued to thrust as you winded down, finishing himself off moments later with another low growl. His frame shivered as he came, his seed spilling into you as your walls milked his cock. You closed your eyes, breathing deeply and savoring the feeling seeping through you. Pure bliss. You hadn't felt it in decades. And it was exhilarating. 

Kylo collapsed onto your chest, finally taking his hand away from your neck and resting it on the ground beside you. And as soon as it was gone, you gasped, sucking in as much oxygen as you could and feeling instant relief from your lightheadedness and exhaustion. It gave you a second burst of energy, and you sighed happily, relaxing your frame against the tree trunk and placing your hand on Kylo's head, sliding your fingertips through his hair. 

It was so soft to the touch. So perfectly managed, but also scruffy looking. You'd never understood how he got it to look that way. The strands gleamed under the sun like shiny black silk as you moved it around your digits, massaging softly at his scalp. 

You used to always do that when you would lie together. Back when he went by another name. Back when he was a completely different man. One you loved more than anything. And one you still believed was somehow alive under all of that suffocating darkness--against your best judgement. 

You shifted uncomfortably, starting to feel the trunk press against your spine. But Kylo didn't budge on top of you, catching his breath and clutching at the sides of your waist. 

"I feels good to be back here." You finally spoke, and he glanced up at you without moving his head from your chest. He just nodded weakly. "With you. Just like before." You added, and you watched as he furrowed his brows. 

He pulled off of your chest, propping himself up on his arms and shifting back on his knees, pulling out of you and tucking himself back into his pants. 

"But it's not just like before." He thinned his eyes, "You know that, right?"

"Oh, yeah." You lied, your heart sinking a little. "I just meant, like...we've been here before."

"Oh." His eyes scanned your face skeptically, but you wouldn't let your expression give away your true feelings. After a few moments, he glanced down at his lap. You guessed you'd passed the lie detector test. "Good. I want to make sure we're on the same page."

"And what page is that exactly?"

"That this is just for fun. Nothing more."

"Right. I completely agree." Your heart panged again as he pushed himself off of the ground, fixing his clothes and dusting the dirt off his knees. You just laid back, legs spread widely as he did, his cum seeping down the insides of your thighs and dripping onto the ground. If you were a human, maybe you'd be thinking about buying some plan-B at this point. But you were an angel. That wasn't a concern for you. 

He stared down at you once he was finished fixing his appearance, the wind blowing softly through his hair and rippling through the fabric of his shirt. 

"I'm going to be in Las Vegas in three days. I have a soul to claim."

"Okay?" You pulled your knees together, rubbing at the raw handprint around your neck. 

"Meet me there." He lowered his voice, and your heart fluttered. Don't do it. You told yourself. You messed up once. Don't make the same mistake twice. Don't fall back in. 

"I will." The words left your lips before you could stop them, although you weren't sure you even wanted to. You'd never wanted anything more than you wanted him. And if he was only offering you a part of his affection instead of the whole thing, you'd take it. At least for now. 

"Good." He nodded, slipping a hand into his pocket, "Because we're not done yet."

Your breath skipped as he raised his hand, winking at you before pressing his thumb and middle finger together, snapping loudly and fading away before your eyes. You watched his figure dissipate into thin air, black smoke left behind where his body used to be and floating away in the soft breeze. 

You waited a moment, your heart still slamming before you crawled onto your hands and knees, wincing at the new aching between your legs from where his length had been. You struggled to your feet, taking painful, bow-legged steps towards the edge of the cliff, leaving the tree and meadow behind you. 

You took one last longing glance over your shoulder, imaging the two figures from your memory sitting underneath that same tree, tangled in each others arms, lips pressed together for the first time. How naive you'd been back then. How filled with hope and happiness. And stupidity. 

And as you spread your wings, stretching them up towards the sky, you wished more than anything that you could be that girl again. And that he could be that boy. The one you used to know so well. 

And the one that you refused to let go of.


End file.
